"I'm in between the two/standing still and on the run/don't know what to do/I'm in two places at once" - 2 Places, Tori Kelly
I am a joyful person. I love life. Love smiling and laughing. Love love.
That being said, post partum has been rough.
A combination of hormones, the fact that my whole life changed with the new life that just exited the safety of my womb, the learning curves with breastfeeding, healing, balancing work life/wife life/home life, body changes, nutrition, extreme relentless fatigue.
Did I mention fatigue?
And that’s just one layer.
It’s a heavy time.
It really is like an out of body experience. So immensely filled with love for your baby. And all at the same time struggling to find joy in even the joyful moments.
Hard to explain unless you go through it. And even then, Trevor struggles to understand my daily woes. It’s difficult to express the fullness yet emptiness that can rear its ugly head at any given minute for any reason, or for no reason at all.
2 places at once.
Make sense? Maybe not. But here we are. Living in the daily attempts of re-centering, praying, understanding, focusing on the good, and giving grace to myself for when I simply can’t see past the next feeding.
I find that making myself go for a walk and taking in some uninterrupted fresh air really does make a difference.
I am ok.
Learning a lot. Growing often.
Before this time in life, I felt like I understood the meaning of giving grace. That being said, I’m realizing now how impactful, healing, and undeniably necessary grace is when given at a time like this. Its making me look at life through a different lense. And learn how important it is to extend grace even more.
Even when trying not to learn in my walk with Jesus, I'm learning none the less.
Never a dull moment in this life. Growing pains y’all!
I’m thankful I have a relationship with Jesus to help me through the inexplainable even when I struggle to find the words to pray. I am thankful for the people in my life that speak hope and give encouragement. Even if you probably don’t realize that you are. We need each other.
Life is good. Being a mom a great. Married life is a blessing.
Day by day.
Day by day.
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